The U.S. proposal to produce a trillion dollar coin included a caveat that said coin would remain safely locked away at Fort Knox – which to my mind brings up the entire question of why we need to actually MAKE one if it’s not actually in circulation?? Why can’t we just FONDLY REFLECT on the possibilities such a coin and save money by not minting anything? If the power of federal imagination can ‘pretend-mint’ a coin, just as certainly imagination itself can be applied against an (unseen) debt and (magically) negate the entire matter!

That be said – we all know what happens to money: one minute it’s in your hand, the next minute (mysteriously) it is GONE.

A trillion dollar coin would surely be NO DIFFERENT.

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Here are some too-real possibilities for the ultimate fate of a trillion dollar coin inadvertently loosed upon the American populace:

Scenario 1: You’re residing in a small town and they haven’t got ‘round to installing those credit card meters in parking areas yet (…nor have they gotten savvy about making meters accept nothing less than quarters.) You’re about to run into the local downtown market but WAIT – gotta feed the meter! You hastily cram in the only coin in your pocket (‘cause let’s face it, in our card-oriented society, who carries much spare change these days anyway??) and it isn’t till you get home with the milk that your wife points out you SPENT THE TRILLION DOLLAR COIN. And it bought you a whoppin’ 10 minutes of parking time. Never mind that it was ‘free money’ and actually prevented another $50 parking ticket, ‘cause you got that coin by …

Scenario 2: … accepting the generous “1-cent” tip from Cheapo Senator Marx for bagging his groceries down at the Elephant Walk, your part-part-time job. Senator Marx was SUPPOSED to deposit the Trillion Dollar Coin during the course of his office work at the Fort Knox Gelatin Factory but – whoopsie – it somehow found its way into his pocket and the actual deposit was fueled by an extra-shiny Indian Head Penny. (Well hell – it’s time the Native Americans were acknowledged for THEIR role in propping up the entire U.S. economy! Even if it is one cent at a time…)

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Speaking of Indian Heads, did you know that …

Scenario 3: … in SOME very small towns, bubble gum machines STILL ACCEPT PENNIES??

Meter Maid Martha wasn’t above filching a few Indian Heads of her own from the government parking meter largess that day and so Trillion Dollar Coin made its way into the hands of young Jacob the Whiner, there to be unceremoniously stuffed into the Chock Full ‘O Gum machine down at Disco Dan’s Music and Groceries. Now, soft: given that there’s only ONE Trillion Dollar Coin in circulation at this point, most people have no clue as to what it looks like.

So you really CAN forgive Chock Full ‘O Gum owner Sticky McGee …

Scenario 4: …for not bothering to pick up the stray coin that rolled away from the lot upon emptying his gum machine for his daily bread. Trillion Dollar rolled under the cigarette machine nextdoor where it reposed, lonely and neglected, until Janitor Bob became swept up in the matter and broomed Trillion Dollar into his dustpan. You can’t blame him for being 80 years old and a leetle farsighted at this stage of his life – and determining, even if he caught sight ‘o the coin, that it simply wasn’t worth emptying an entire pan chock full ‘o dust to pick out what looked like a mere penny.

And that is why Trillion Dollar Coin wound up …

Scenario 5: … at the County Dump, in Landfill Pit #12.

So much for the National Debt and the Trillion Dollar Coin.

Money DOES indeed tend to walk (or roll) away … best to keep it only a dream in Fort Knox …

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