Happy Feast of the Ass Day!

January 14, 2013

There’s only one more day in the year more important than my birthday – and that is the day immediately following it: Feast of the Ass Day.

Despite what other residents in my household may proclaim about the two celebrations being connected via a tad too much birthday cake on the 13th, the Feast of the Ass Day was actually a medieval Christian holiday observed on January 14th to celebrate (a) the flight out of Egypt and (b) donkey-related stories in the Bible.

Since there’s an obvious dearth of celebratory paraphernalia, from decorations to games and explanations, I have devised a personal Ass Kit for any who would take full advance of this lesser-known Biblical celebration.

To Wit:

1. Know your history. How many donkey stories can YOU pin point from the Bible?

2. Personalize history: how many asses do YOU personally know?

3. Let them eat donkey?? How many donkey recipes can YOU locate?

4. Pin the Tail On sorely lacks in donkey identification standards. Did you know there are over a hundred breeds of donkey in the world (with an overwhelming amount landing in Italy, for some reason)? Devise an anatomically-correct Pin the Tail on the RIGHT Donkey Game by locating photos of breeds AND tails and requiring pinners to get the correct ass during the pinning process.

5. Did you know donkeys have an entire body language, from tail swishing to the Evil Eye? NOW is the day to learn such language, which can be as aerobic as stomps, kicks, shuffles, and bounces.

Those unemployed and seeking a new career, especially those with an affinity for animals (…Jennifer…) might consider becoming an Egyptian Donkey Whisperer. Oh, you think this is a touchy/feely exercise? Consider this real need:

“In Arabic speaking countries such as Egypt, the dialect is very different in different areas (for example Cairo and Luxor). Different words are used and even when the same words are used the pronunciation is often different, so when a donkey is sold to someone in a new area it will often have difficulty understanding the local dialect. What was initially thought be stubborn behaviour has often turned out to be due to the donkey not understanding the new owner’s dialect.

The answer to the problem? Donkey trainers (they’d be called “donkey whisperers” over here) run “language schools” for donkeys, teaching the animals basic commands in a range of dialects. For donkeys working on farms, it’s enough to teach them the local version of Arabic.”

And yes, there’s even an APP for it. Here’s a handy quick website for translating the simple phrase “You are a donkey” in over thirty languages:


The celebratory possibilities are simply unlimited – but QUICK, the day’s nearly over!

Get thee to a Bible, read all about The Feast of the Ass (http://vaviper.blogspot.com/2013/01/happy-feast-of-ass.html?spref=fb ), then chose a project above.

Those who discovered this holiday too late can still celebrate quickly and effectively by buying (and consuming) an entire cake. You have 8 hours left. Go! Go! Go!

(Hey … they don’t call it the Feast of the Ass for nuttin…)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *