Cat Fancy

January 10, 2013

Upon learning that my bff, who lives on a boat, actually has a life insurance policy – ON THE CAT – I (of course, says The Peanut Gallery) had a series of logical questions she could not readily answer regarding the claims process.

To wit:

1. Said policy covers Death. Does this include sending Captain Kitty overboard for a routine anchor inspection, resulting in an unfortunate mishap (perhaps due to mis-managed human direction)?

2. How is said Death actually proved? Is a corpus delecti required; or perhaps the local coroner issues a Death Certificate? If the corpus has fallen overboard and winged away on the current, is an iPhone snapshot worth 1,000 words (or in this case, $1,000)??

3. I would hope if the Insured is on policy, that a photo of said Insured is somewhere in the paperwork. Otherwise…substitutions could be readily made in a claim. I would also hope a reputable insurance company considers the possibility of insurance fraud even if a corpus is required to complete Payout. To wit: if improper inspection has not documented the cat’s actual breed or coloring, it would be all too easy to locate a similar (or even a very different – why be picky?) corpus from one’s local pet crematorium (or even roadkill!) documenting said ‘death’ and requesting immediate payout to the Bereaved.

4. Is there a Pet Limit on the policy?? Say a basket ‘o kittens just so happened to arrive onboard and just so unfortunately ‘fell overboard’ during a tragic mishap – would that be $1K for each kitten; or is this pro-rated by life expectancy, breed … or is an entire basket ‘o kittens counted as ‘1 claim’ (or, if you will, one cat)? An Age Limit should be clarified.

5. If it IS one claim per kitten – then, how many kittens can fit on a 34-foot sailboat?? I mean, this could be a real MONEY MAKER.

Don’t get me wrong; I love cats.

I just don’t love insurance companies.

And I smell a LOT of loopholes in the litter box of THIS “policy” …in fact, my feline superinstincts tell me payout on such a policy would be nearly impossible.

Thus neatly evoking the spectre of a Ghostly Haunting by Boat Cat at the local Safeco office …

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