I Taught I Taw a Puddie Tat

December 13, 2012

Here in Cow Country, strays are a fact of life (…and I’m not talkin’ cattle, either!).


“Say it LOUD – I’m feral and I’m PROUD…”

The Peanut Gallery hates stray kitties with a passion, claiming the “little buggers decimate the songbird population and are a major cause of said demise.” While admittedly there are far fewer singing birds than back in 1988 when we acquired the Palatial Estates, it’s certainly NOT for lack of birdseed – or due to an overabundance of hungry feral kitties who have finally honed the skill of bringing down the ubiquitous songbird on the wing.

Nope, I’m talking the real neighborhood thief in the matter: Mr. Jay. Who benefits the most from said birdseed applications, effectively making it a fact that we are FEEDING THE ENEMY, here.

But I digress …. TPG insists the decline rests solely on the feral cat population and until a few days ago was militant about chasing any kitties off the property (…and annoyed that since I befriend them, they in effect circle around the devil to get to my “traitorous” loving heart ).

TPG’s attitude changed a few days ago when he espied Puddy Tat making off with yet another garden denizen, Mr. Gopher.

…brave soldier survives a Gopher Battle….

This enterprising rodent has a strangehold on our entire town. Uh – I’m not talking one rodent – I’m talking about a million, staging clever coups on evolving gardens with midnight raids and skillsets that include sucking a 14-year-old fig tree down a 2-inch hidey hole piece by piece and likely Googling fig recipes in their living rooms.

Bill was all for chasing off Puddy Tat when he espied the results of his successful morning hunt and had a sudden change of heart.

But after nearly a decade of playing Chase ‘Em Cat, TPG’s reputation in the feline world is, sadly, tarnished forever. Puddy Tat ignored the incessant (and likely inaccurate) meowing from The Peanut Gallery to circle gingerly around said Grouchy Giant and dropped his prize at MY feet for inspection, then proceeded to (“annoyingly”, TPG stated) roll over on his back for a quick rub from his favored human before carefully picking up his rodent dinner and trotting away with nary a glance at the now-jealous TPG (…any of you who believe a man is only inspired to insane jealousy by another member of the human species: just add ‘or cat’ to the mix.)

So for the past few days TPG has been roaming the Back 40 meowing, trying to ATTRACT the very ferals he’s been chasing away since 1988 in the hopes of fostering an Anti-Gopher Counterstrike among his new allies. I looked out the back window towards dusk to see about 40 gleaming eyes peering out from the tree line eying the enemy as he meowed his way attractively along the neighbor’s fence line.

Then I fielded a call from aforementioned worried neighbor who gingerly postulated the theory that there were actually VERY  GOOD assisted living facilities in our very area for those who struggled with dementia in their golden years.

I REALLY need to get a video cam going. The sight of TPG skulking along the fence line meowing at the top of his lungs is simply too priceless for words.

All I can say is: next year SOMEBODY around here is getting’ a HUGE CAT COSTUME for Halloween – to be used year-round.

I taught I taw a puddie tat…I DO, I DO see a puddie tat!


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