Diagnosis: POSSESSION!

October 9, 2012

My furnace is possessed: that is all there is to it.

An unending parade of technicians and repair attempts and a mere 6 years after purchase, we still have a Trane Wreck on our hands (…talk about brand identification!)

The top switch turns on automatically to run the furnace perfectly only when a repair person is in attendance. The rest ‘o the time, it’s set to ‘frustrate’! (Or, OFF….)

There are only two real solutions: exorcism or replacement.

Thus my call to the local Catholic Church in search of a “priest who performs exorcisms on inanimate objects”. I left a message. SOMEONE  (likely from higher up) will “get back to me” (or, was it “at” me?? Can’t quite recall…)

Always in search of a deal, I plan on adding in:

1.    Bill’s cell phone

2.    Mr. Microwave

3.    A Certain Cat who shalst go unnamed. (Query: does exorcism cover ‘perpetual grumpiness’???)

And always the entrepreneur, maybe I should involve the entire neighborhood. Rather than the usual garage sales, block parties, etc., we can hold an EXORCISM DAY solely for those stubborn inanimates that just won’t stay fixed.

I’m not talkin’ ‘bring your old junk’ day – I’m talkin’ brand new devices that for some reason or another (…because they are POSSESSED, sayeth I) give up the ghost (so to speak) a few days after their warranty expires.

One priest, a neighborhood full of vengeful spirits.

Sounds like Halloween, if you ask me…

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