Stealth Mode

October 5, 2012

TPG is reading EVERGLADES PATROL by Tim Shirley, which features a glaring incongruity when it blatantly mentions the possibility of ‘sneaking up on wildlife’ in the Florida Everglades … via airboat.

Now, anyone who’s visited The Glades knows of the ubiquitous Airboat. You can literally hear ‘em comin’ miles away: it sounds like a washing machine on a rampage whilst in an unholy marriage with the jet engine of a 747. The idea of sneakin’ up on ANYTHING sporting 2 ears with THIS sukkah is nothing short of awesome.

Caught sneakin’ up on the wildlife!

Since, from early childhood, I have been accused honored with the title of ‘sneak’ – and thus can be said to be a long-time expert on the topic – I have humbly assembled a list of equipment that can contribute to the ‘sneak’ portion of one’s wildlife experience, to wit:

1.    Sneakers. Modernly called ‘athletic shoes’, the originals were MADE for sneaking up on just about anything. Just ask KEDS, kids!

2.    Stealth planes. OH – you thought they were ‘fighters’?? Just look at the title – STEALTH. Anything worth sneakin’ up on can be done with these babies, compliments of the USAF.

3.    Prius. I have a friend with one of those hybrids. You could mow down an entire classroom of ipod-listening enthusiasts in the crosswalk and they’d never have a clue what hit ‘em. Seriously. These sukkahs DEFINE ‘sneak’, always operate in Stealth mode, and creep up on their victims with the silence of a marshmallow rollin’ across the kitchen floor.

Stealth airboating.

NOW I’ve seen everything.

(…I haven’t heard everything – ‘cause I NEVER HEARD THIS ONE COMIN’!!)

 Full flaps…

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