What will I be doing during the Zombie Apocalypse?? Glad you asked!
Why, baking cookies, of course!
Yup, I’ve seen a number of apocalyptic movies. In fact, nothing cheers me up more than a good end-of-the-world saga – which ultimately results in helping me feel better about any (much smaller) conundrums modern life may drum up. Look at it this way: in comparison to a giant asteroid hitting earth and prompting a game band of survivors to exit the planet post-haste, there to begin a colony from scratch among the stars despite revolution among the ranks with a Lord-of-the-Flies type of ending… my unexpected dishwasher repair bill seems MINISCULE.
But many of these disaster flicks – especially the ever-popular (but lately rampaging) Zombie Movies – hold some less distinguished but common themes:
1. When the Living Dead strike, a human girl runs away, quickly develops two left feet (as she’s constantly tripping over them), and also coincidentally develops Can’t Get the Car Key in the Lock-itis, while
2. SOMEBODY else is always in the kitchen happily baking cookies, refusing to believe the End of the World has arrived.
I wanna be that SOMEBODY baking cookies when the Zombie Apocalypse rears its ugly (‘cause they all are…) head.
I want to be the girl who retains belief that all it will take to make my immediate world better is a chocolate chipper or an oatmeal raisin delight.
I want to be the girl who recognizes that all Zombies really want is a little home cookin’ (and by that, I don’t mean the chef!)
I want to be the girl who includes chocolate chips, oatmeal, and nutella on her bomb shelter’s ‘must have for survival’ list.
From my forthcoming best-seller cookbook,
‘The Nuclear Gourmet’
Yes: the Barney Purple Dino Jump Station WILL be up and active when scientists announce the asteroid is heading towards earth with an ETA of 8 hours. That’s a LOT of Barney jumping in da Bounce House, kids…and I’ll be right in there with ‘em.
Yes, the Post-Apocalyptic BBQ that occurred last year in the immediate wake of a Doomsday Sayer’s predicted October date for the End of the World WILL be occurring again this December to celebrate the end of the dreaded 2012.
Cause I can’t change the universe – I can only change my world. That world-changing event’s gonna happen whether my checkbook’s in hand, I’m under the bed hiding, or Zombies find a point of entry into my hot tub refuge.
And come hell or high waters, asteroid strikes or Zombie Apocalypses: ya can’t deny everything looks better with some baked goods added to the mix and one’s tummy.
Chocolate chippers, anyone??