To: Pat

Re: Squid Tanks: A Glaring Opportunity!!

Pat –

Whilst visiting the company’s Palatial Estates today, I noted a prominent ‘for lease’ sign in the window of what appears to be an office right on your floor.

Being an entrepreneurial thinker – and never one to pass by a Glaring Opportunity without mention – my thoughts immediately (and logically) progressed to the topic of Squid Tanks, which have been the subject of casual discussion between us in the past.


 Pat, in the course of your (many) college studies, have you as yet acquired the dexterity, tact, and talents to milk a squid???

I imagine you have been spending much of your college career studying up on this ancient yet neglected art since our last discussion of its (obvious) revenue flow; and with a lease possibility virtually in your lap (or next door to it, anyways), I can’t see HOW you could resist the lure and potential – nay, CERTAIN – profits of maintaining an unlimited ink source right there on your head office’s home turf.

As your manager may undoubtedly confirm, the time has never been riper for an on-site, ALL-NATURAL ink production plant, given the ever-increasing volume of printing our company produces with only passing prayers to fallen trees.

I am sure the Monterey Aquarium security personnel recall me quite well from my (somewhat memorable) visit last Fall, and would be happy to make the loan of a few ‘Starter Squid’ for this project (…especially if I promise not to conduct another personal inspection of their premises for at least five years.)

However, I do have a few small maintenance questions you might, in your infinite wisdom and experience, be able to answer.  How do you tell a male from a female squid? Naturally, we’d want to quickly multiply our holdings – so we’d want to be sure our Squid Ink Starter Pack was appropriately sexed and matched for maximum reproductive potentials, thus quickly (and literally) doubling our inky investment.

And, what do they eat? Mind you, I have been known to refuse similarly-lucrative pet projects upon learning live furry foods were an essential ingredient (so to speak) for success…

Um – do you think your landlord does a lot of printing, too? Maybe he could accept some of the rent in trade: several ink refills at $35.50 per ¼ cup, say? Given the current price of ink cartridges, I think this equation sounds more than fair….

So, thoughts??

I have ten whole bucks saved up for a sure-fire winner such as this – let’s GO FOR IT!

Your future partner-in-crime (and we can nearly instantly get in the black on this one. Ink, that is…) -

Diane Donovan

Squids Ink (Future) President (…my idea/my reign!)


P.S.: I know your manager hasn’t been keen about the quality of wiring in your present building, but I really don’t think it’ll be an issue for Squids Ink. I doubt we’ll need a good Net connection for this venture.


Uh – not THAT kind of net, anyway…

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