OK, enough is ENOUGH.

I just received a coupon for a fun-sounding water park which sounded lovely except for ONE LEETLE THING.

The presence of kids.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have (intrinsically) nuttin’ against children. We all were kids once. After all.

What I am protesting is the obvious discrimination towards said children revolving around play opportunities.

To wit:

1.    Playgrounds are exclusively set aside for kids. Adults MAY enter if accompanied by a child (or a pack of children) – but NOT by themselves (….if they do, they are obviously perverts. Even if children are NOT present.) I was once glared at royally by a passing adult when I had the timidity to enjoy myself on the swingset in a playground that obviously hadn’t seen the blush of youth in days. So, I built Diane’s Adult Swingset in complete rebellion. Signposted: PLAY AREA. NO KIDS ALLOWED.


 2.    Water Parks. A coupon espied promised fun until closer inspection of online coupon and accompanying website revealed not an adult in sight. Undoubtedly a ‘perk’ for the kids; but let us reflect upon WHO is actually forking out da cash for said coupon. Don’t WE deserve a little fun, too?? And a child-free environment would eliminate: whining, peeing, crying, sneering, and a whole lot of other ‘ings’ the younger set cultivates in reaction to ‘Embarrassing’ Adult Play.

3.    Theme Parks. Why should the under-10 set get all the fun?? I propose an exciting Jurassic setting – for adults only. No children allowed – even when accompanied by a parent. There could be: a dinosaur hunt. Complete with ammo and AK47s (take THAT, TRex!)  A hunting dinosaur (turns the ‘dinosaur hunt’ in a completely different direction). A Brontysaurus slide. Rappel T. Rex, enter his mouth, and rappel downward to the Dino Stomach for the geocache prize. And yes, I’d signpost it: ADULT PLAY AREA. NO KIDS ALLOWED.

And, while we’re on the subject, where in heck did ‘adult play’ and the letter ‘x’ come to be so closely associated?? Wrong, wrong, wrong!!

(Liability insurance? Naah – the 10-page disclaimer form should take care of all possible mishaps.)

I think it’s high time the Playful Adults of the World stood up to be counted. Right up there with Dog Rights, PAW could be powerful social and political force advocating discrimination-free, child-free adult play (and, I ain’t talkin’ men’s shops, either…)

I am takin’ my cause to the ACLU.

‘Cause if anybody can swing a vote – they can.

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