Off on a Tangerine

June 2, 2012

… if the Daily Paper provides nuttin’ else of interest (‘cept for the coveted cartoons and ‘Agony Aunts’, the wellspring of MUCH of my adult wisdom), it DOES provide the opportunity to perceive other possibilities in life – and to choose a different direction. My mother identified this direction of mine as going “off on a tangent” whilst I, always with food in mind and a wee too young to understand ‘tangent’, translated this curious word to the more delicious “off on a tangerine”.


 The latest fruits to evolve from this direction come from a short article (Note: all the better newspaper articles are SHORT and commonly buried near the Obituaries, to my mind) about a British village couple who had identified their wedding date before learning The Queen Herself was slated to pass nearby at around the same time. On a whim they invited her. And on an equally unexpected whim (i.e. ‘rude’, if you consider the accompanying R.S.V.P. card a royal requirement rather than a Royal Pain), Herself attended. Much to their delight.

Upon learning of this wonderful event I contemplated the fateful moment of my own union so many decades ago. Eschewing publicity, we left out The Queen’s invite (along with a few other notables such as relatives) and found ourselves in front of a GRUMPY Justice of the Peace at San Francisco City Hall who, having (likely) married about 400 pregnant couples in the last 4 hours, was in NO mood for our poverty or wanton disregard for the institution (indicated by a wrong-sized ring on a chain, neat blue jeans, and an obviously unholy alliance between a 31-year-old and a 19-year-old, with no parental units in sight.)

We had obviously missed the boat (…although we DID catch the plane: a 2-for-1 airline bargain for ‘married couples’ which served as an impetus for a proposal).      

So this morning I envisioned a different celebration in which there was (a) cake, first and foremost (b) friends-as-family in attendance (ok, JUST maybe THIS would come ‘first’. After all – there would be WAAY too much cake to consume alone – theoretically) and (c) a date set to coincide with the passing through of selected personalities I wished to personally meet.

These would include:

1.    Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess. (…If you don’t know Jenny Lawson’s blog – click, don’t run. She’s my inspiration!)

2.    George Takai, Patrick Stewart, Jeri Ryan … and actually, the entire cast of Star Trek – any series.

3.    Sheldon, Leonard, and any Big Bang cast member.

4.    Jeff Dunham, the comedy puppeteer. WITH puppets.

5.    Speaking of ‘puppets’ – ALL the Muppets.

6.  Dad of Telling Dad blog fame.

When I suggested a re-celebration with the newfound motiviators of Unlimited Cake and Celebrity Attendance  (as well as friends-as-family, of course), The Peanut Gallery stated univocally that the ONLY commitment he’d be willing to make on the subject was the donation of a one-way ticket to Bellevue for moi.       

Thus cake, celebrities, friendships, and even luv were entirely set aside for the duration of the day in favor of contemplating various forms of revenge.

And so once again – I find myself off on a tangerine of my own.

(…but I am STILL SO inviting Jenny Lawson and the entire cast of Star Trek (all generations) to my next soirée!)

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