Real-world phone conversation:

Moi: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Mom: “Why, thank you!”

Moi: “Are you enjoying the candy?”

Mom: “Yes!” (Pause.) Craftily: “And I get to eat it all.”

Some Important Historical Notes:

.I will admit that, in the now-distant past, gifts of candy were a bit one-sided. I thoughtfully and carefully picked out candy gifts based entirely on my own extensive (7-year) expertise on the topic; so Mom received many bars of: Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Muskateers …. Everything I would have wished for were I a mother. Never mind that my favorite – Charleston Chews – apparently also doubled as Crown Removers, prompting future acquisitions to be bequeathed to moi with a ‘it’s the thought that counts’ statement (….well, I thought it counted quite nicely that Mom gots all my favorites and I received a leetle reward for being so thoughtful as to include my own reward [via a Charleston Chew bar] with each and every custom candy basket on Mother’s Day…)

. The other thing is: Mom and I operated on very different perceptions of reality when it came to Candy Consumption. Mom frankly appeared to be a Hoarder. At least, she didn’t do like I would: consume her largess within 2 hours of receipt (later I figgered out it must be because she had no Parental Units around to snatch away the prize). Ergo the inescapable logical conclusion: she must notlike it, if it lasted over 2 days. So I was actually doing her a favor by cleaning up on the Saturday following Mother’s Day when she actually had 4 whole candy bars remaining, lounging around in her desk. Teen Babysitter and I split the proceeds, called it ‘good’, and I never quite ‘got’ Mom’s dismay over the sordid consumption process. (Obviously if she really liked ‘em, she whould have EATEN THEM given she had a whole week’s time!)

. I didn’t discover Mom’s actual love for DARK chocolate until I was about 50. Which left a WHOLE lot of years of milk chocolate and bridge mixes. And, now that I think on it, a whole lot of definitely-uneaten chocolate for me.

It wasn’t until The Peanut Gallery and Mom compared notes that they discovered their (shared) love of Dark Chocolate and (as TPG so thoughtfully confessed to her) my Mom “went up a notch in his esteem”. Then they both glared at me, The Milk Chocolate Queen, until I slunk away in search of a Snickers to assuage the pain of obviously not knowing my own mother better than my hubby did…

So the last few years were the first years Mom finally got what she wanted: an entire 1-lb box of DARK CHOCOLATE ONLY, thanks to the thoughtfulness of Sees Candies who (after much letter-writing on my part) finally saw the light of their Bridge Mix Fallacy and finally produced a collection worthy of my Mom’s actual appreciation.

No troubles.

She gots HER box …. I gots mine. Thanks to my letters including further instructions for the equally-important MILK CHOCOLATE COLLECTION that was my reward for being so thoughtful.

Happy Mother’s Day!  (Mom says so too, in so many words: “uummmph, smack, drool….”)


“Joy is not in chocolate; it is in us.”

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