May 18, 2012

Charades has never been my forte. Oh, I have no troubles coming up with wordless language. But my intentions are always subject to gross misinterpretation.

Upon meetup at a local park The Peanut Gallery confessed to leaving his wallet at home. As usual. No cards, no ID – and no monies.

As our walk concluded he mentioned embarking on a shopping expedition afterwards. But it wasn’t until we got into our respective vehicles – ostensibly going in different directions – that I realized Da Man was gonna embark on a major shopping expedition that could only lead to a nervous breakdown at the checkout counter when his complete lack of funding kicked in.

He’d just pulled away and there were already two cars between us, but I managed to catch him at the stoplight when those cars chose different paths. All that remained was my greatest challenge: to communicate via hand signals and non-verbal graphics before the light changed.

Now, I am noted for being the poorest Charades player of all time. But even I knew the basic rules.

First: gain Audience Attention. I honked several times and flashed my lights.

I could see him look into the rearview mirror and shake his head slightly. Obviously he thought I was saying ‘goodbye’ (…or, had gone insane. Both were equal possibilities.) – even as the men in cars around me, ignorant of our connection, presumed I was actually saying ‘hello’ and began to honk back like errant geese flyin’ after a hottie.

A glance at these happy honkers observed the second universal form of wordless (come-on) communication between the sexes: The Wink.

WAIT. Did they think I was making some sort of PROPOSITION between lights even as my own Peanut Gallery remained patiently oblivious to my obvious attempt at communication?

Clarification was undoubtedly required, so I quickly fished out a $20 bill and commenced to beep and wave it at the windshield like a flag in an effort to remind him of his current state of temporary bankruptcy.

Result: Da Key Man continues to look into his rearview mirror, totally puzzled; while (evidently) three total strangers clearly get the message that “She’s hot for it and will DO IT for $20 (…men can’t resist a bargain in that department…)

Through sign language and a blend of honks, waving money and hand gestures I finally got The Peanut Gallery to pull into a parking lot soz I could bequeath him my $20 largess for his big shopping expedition.

Four cars followed us in and (via driver facial expressions) seemed quite disappointed to observe the $20 prize – and the girl – going to The Peanut Gallery. 

Who apparently had done NOTHING to deserve either.

It only goes to show my complete lack of prowess at Charades…

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