Peppermint Cowpatty

April 25, 2012

I am one of the few people I know who believe cows reflect the quintessential yin/yang of life.

They are either Good or Evil. And I have personally known both kinds.

I live with Good Cows, actually. They occupy the fields just past our home. One rings a little dinner bell on his neck causing the entire herd to glide across the field, dutifully heading out for the Great Unknown in hopes of culinary largess. They frequently can be seen laying about grassy hillsides, chewing gum and contemplating the Universe, the Sunset, or something even more philosophical. They come should Bill call them, avid Cow Whisperer that he is. (…One hasn’t lived until one has seen 60 head pressing against a flimsy wire fence, adoringly seeking their Cow Whisperer God – who has summarily fled the Back Forty after calling them and is currently hiding under the bed lest he be indentified as the perp who led the cows on a breakout that decimated Bloomfield’s gardens).

  Then there is the Darker Side. And we’re not talkin’ chocolate milk, either.


In the Kingdom of Moo, these are the cows who like to step on feetz ‘by accident’. Repeatedly. Who then turn their heads and look back with a mooy snicker as the victim hops around on one foot, clutching a squashed appendage which has been gently stomped by an errant yet meticulously – even deviously – planned hoof.

These are the cows who mysteriously ‘dry up’ just when holiday eggnog season finally arrives.

Who refuse to follow the herd leader’s dinner bell and can be caught thoughtfully chewing gum up on the back 40 in the muddiest, hardest-to-reach corner of the pasture.

These are the cows who lead the charge into the kitchen when the farmboys, too hung over from the nite before, haven’t gotten up at exactly 4AM (milking time). At 4:15AM some 5 cows are in your kitchen rousting lay-ins and denting the kitchen linoleum. (It may be easy to sleep thru an alarm clock, but I bet you can’t sleep thru angry bellows and sounds of breaking china and tossed pots.)

Evil …. but I can relate.

Perhaps that’s why I’m over the moon about ‘em all.


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