Up Periscope!

March 30, 2012

Once again an early-morning Groupon coupon promise goes awry.

On the face of it, it was one of the few Groupon online discounts that actually sounded unique and promising:

Up to 61% Off USS Pampanito Submarine Tour

Having been in a sub only ONCE (….’cause, according to my Sources, ‘Subway’ does NOT actually count!) – and a non-moving one at that – I envisioned a REAL event worthy of not just purchase, but the possible involvement of my entire circle of friends.

    Dude! We are on a SUB!

Picture it: you’re cruising on the Bay and feeling quite smug about having snagged a discount coupon to the staid Red and White Fleet for its daily Sunset Cruise when soft – beside your boat up pokes the periscope of a SUB, a hatch opens atop, and moi’s cheery voice hails with the traditional “ahoy there, Princess Cruisers!” and a request for a complimentary Margarita.

Suddenly the Red and White experience doesn’t seem nearly as exciting.

Especially when you learn that OUR Sub Tour includes an itinerary that includes personal inspections (at my suggestion) of: the insides of ritzy Pacific Heights homes (via high-powered periscopes), the Alcatraz tourist who thought he’d pee in private around the backside of the barracks (and so let his group tour get too far ahead. And this is where the ship-to-shore loudspeaker comes into play…), assorted bank heists in Sausalito, and mooning a wayward gray whale parked outside the Gate (who admittedly may never reproduce again when confronted by a periscope-turned-cattle-prod).

Good thing I discerned the obvious lack of any mention of ‘underwater’ in the cheery little ‘In a Nutshell” roundup of this ‘deal’, which boldly skirted mention of ANY actual water involvement, and just as boldly insinuated that just walking around das boat should be attraction enough.

I mean, REALLY. Why would I covet a close-up examination of a BEACHED WHALE???

In a Nutshell:

Restored WWII submarine grants insight into its history with audio tour, oral histories, letters & educational programs for adults & kids

Call me silly; but when I see the word ‘tour’ involving a vehicle capable of movement – I actually look forward to aforementioned movement.

Not just lookin’ at it and envisioning what glory the other people gots!

Just sayin’….

Just SINK me. I’ll pay for THAT….


PS: Not sayin’ there’s no value in a history tour… just that if the vessel ONCE moved… it should still move! ‘Cept for the Titanic….

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