A Wee Bit ‘O Blarney

March 17, 2012

A recent bit ‘o Irish blarney history had ‘100% Authentic Irish’ Bill up in arms once he learned of MY concept of The Irish Experience. But in the manner of all good fights – HE started it…

Peanut Gallery (musing): It’s sure weird that Ireland is the ONLY place in the world without snakes.

Moi: Oh, I don’t know. It only stands to reason.

Bill (suspicious – as is his nature): WHAT reason?

Moi: Well, Ireland once held ALL the snakes in the world, you know. Back in ancient times. Like around the Garden of Eden era.

Bill: ???

Moi (warming up to the topic): And the Irish struggled mightily – especially when those potato-eating snakes sparked a Famine in the country – until Kil Patrick the Baker came up with his patented Anti-Snake Spray and invented crop-dusting.

Bill (faintly): Kill who?

Moi: Kilpatrick, he later came to be called. (The Irish always suffered from run-on sentences. It’s a cultural thing.) Then he was renamed Saint Patrick (once the Irish realized the land was covered with Anti-Snake Spray and all the snakes had gone down to the sea and swum over to England and from there into Europe to infest the world.)

Bill (focusing on one illogical piece…and shouting, for some equally illogical reason. DUH! Which one of us is partially DEAF around here? Clue: it ain’t me….): FLIGHT HADN’T BEEN INVENTED YET! So there couldn’t have been cropdusters.

Moi (smugly): Oh, I didn’t mean actual planes. Kil Patrick convinced the Irish to do it all by hand. And since everyone knows the Irish breed like bunnies, there were a LOT ‘o Irish around to take care of EVERY SQUARE INCH ‘o the country.

(It’s a mystery to me why The Peanut Gallery is always shouting.)

Besides, like I told my teachers all thru school: “YOU weren’t there EITHER. So MY interpretation is just as good as YOURS.”

And now you know why there are NO snakes in Ireland and how Kil Patrick the Baker became St. Patrick, whom we revere today for Driving the Snakes Out of Ireland.

End of tail.

That’s MY story and I’m stickin’ to it!

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