…I have come to the sad realization that due to an Unseasonal Lack of Snow, my planned Virgin Tubing Expedition of 2012 is more than likely ‘out’, as I can’t afford Ski Colorado or any distance further than California. So I will be preserving my tubing virginity once again, casting chaste (yet covetous) glances at snow scenes compliments of Hallmark. (Obviously it’s all downhill, from my perspective…)
(You know, I COULD get paranoid about this. I mean, there’s already ample evidence that the Computer and the Furnace are in Cahoots, occasionally the Microwave gets involved and goes on ‘Start Strike’, and I’m just waiting for other household appliances to realize there’s more power in numbers and join The Death March of Inanimate Objects.)
[There is ALSO the undisputable fact of the movie theatres pulling Breaking Dawn from the entire Sonoma County movie system a day before I planned on descending on this vampire/werewolf flick wearing my Best Digs]:
Diane and Wolfie Plan an Outing even as Reading Cinema, cleverly sensing a Disturbance in the Force, plots an impromptu Pre-Emptive Pull of Feature Film
So what is a thwarted would-be snow bunny to do?
Inspiration comes from friend H., whose new $199 Kindle is revealing the mesmerizing allure of Fruit Ninja, a game apparently involving fruit (…the edible kinds. As in food, I mean.).
I, then, will invest in said e-reader and an App Generation Device, and will create my very own Snow Ninja experience.
Yes, I will be happily tubing over lush snowbanks and gliding like a dove of peace over the gentle vanilla-filled slopes of downhillskidoom whilst in the “real world”, snow bunnies chafe at the bit and gaze upon bare slopes, resorting to the cardboard-on-dirt method of cross-country and downhill skiing, just to satisfy that unfilled urge. (It’s all downhill from where I sit.)
(The Peanut Gallery’s sole comment on my whole exciting money-making e-reader tubing opportunity plan: “Yeah, in your dreams….” Skepticism SO stifles creativity!)
Sooo – last nite I creatively dreamed of Snow Ninja. It was ALL so clear. I was tubing with my bff down a vast and mighty slope sparking with pristine whiteness (….and, I was NOT cold). Gently my tube wafted to and fro on the long and endless snow-filled slope filled with prancing Bambi reindeer and polite children who applauded my abilities (… rather than their more-likely screams to vacate the Kiddie Slope ‘cause I was Taking Up ALL THE ROOM….)
The dream was going incredibly well. Hot chocolate and Snow Tubing Awards awaited me back at the Lodge. I was traveling at the Speed of Light (so there, Stephen Hawking!). It was all downhill from there, sure… but downhill wasn’t lookin’ too shabby.
WAIT! WTF!! A GROVE OF TREES appears at the bottom of the Kiddie Slope. The kids’ polite encouragement has turned into screams. (And, are they yelling “Crash, crash, CRASH!”?? Can’t quite make it out…apparently sound is NOT traveling at the speed of light. So much for Einstein.)
AND – is that a GIANT TREE RING I see at the center (right where my tube is hurling toward at the Speed of Light???? Stephen H., heeeelp!!!)
Creator of ‘Snow Ninja: It’s All Downhill From Here’
*Note: I’ll bet H.’s Fruit Ninja game doesn’t conclude with a pileup of pineapples at the end!!