…I like to think I practice Safe Computing.

My arsenal in this war includes: Windows firewall, antivirus, Windows security updates and regular cleans of caches, temp files… and religiously ‘not’ clicking on:

.‘Free’ anythings. (There goes the ‘Complimentary Gerbil With Every Click’ offer!)

. Questionable links or websites listed FAR down a search engine (“…maybe what I need is on Page 1,000!”)

. Friends’ generic emails stating ‘hey, look at this’ and a link (…I’d better get a MUCH more personal email than ‘hey lookie!’ if I’m even gonna THINK about your invite to ‘just click here for funn’!)

. or emails informing me the Prince of Nigeria ONLY needs my bank account # to transfer $1,000,000,000 of funds he’s hiding (…even when I get to keep some $900K of it! Obviously stuff like THIS is why I’m not rich….too much innate suspicion!)

(Prince’s invite: “I don’t have a bridge to sell you, but  I DO have 30,000 pieces of PRIME REAL ESTATE such as above that you can have for FREE if I can just have your bank account number! Just click here….”)

Despite my warm fuzzy feeling about the security forces in place, something not so warm and fuzzy crept in under the blanket of Holiday Hectic, spread throughout my system, and then opened the portal for OTHER viruses. (Who could know the Brotherhood of Virus was so well networked??)

Yes, the New World War is being fought …. and the battleground’s located IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

My living room doesn’t LOOK like your typical battleground. It hosts: a TV, a laz-e-boy, and holds a laz-e-man within it. (It’s also sadly lacking an arms storage locker, an arsenal, or even a Molotov cocktail by the sofa.) Cookies often are by the laz-e-man’s chair, imparting a homey atmosphere.

But, apparently I was ALSO hosting an invasion force with the ability to:

. Shut down the Windows firewall

. Allow only SOME Windows Security Updates to get through (so it looked like it WAS working)

. Modified Malwarebytes AND SuperAntiVirus scans so it LOOKED like they found small things (likely guinea pigs!) but ‘didn’t see’ the Elephant in the Room.

A brave Amazon woman came over to wage the war on my behalf, armed with the latest weaponry.

Now, you don’t want the first words heard in battle to be “uh oh”. Most any other words will do (including, but not limited to: “Yippee!” “Take That, Godzilla!”, “Seal Team STRIKE!”, etc.). But “uh oh” and “you BUGGER”, when related to my computer, resulted in a Panic Attack from the Supporting Troop.

I did the ONLY thing a good backup soldier can do. I fled the field to the back bedroom to Do Other Things and chant my mantra (“…all WILL be well. DO NOT HUFF DOWN THE COLLAR OF THE WARRIOR DURING BATTLE.”)

Meanwhile a brave struggle evolved in the living room. Count/counterpoint. My Amazon used Safe Mode. My opponent blocked Malwarebytes from running in Safe Mode. My Amazon renamed the file extension slightly. HA! Win!

It was like PacMan without the ‘cute’.

Slowly, the enemy was vanquished. Then came the task of removing all THEIR soldiers from the field. It took hours.

I did not huff. Or puff. I even resisted offering Helpful Suggestions (“…OMG what is THAT?????? AAAARGH!!!”)

I discovered my truepath as a soldier: to get the hell off the battlefield and let the real warrior fight!

And, to go forth and make her cookies.

Now, THERE’S a battle strategy for the Supporting Troop.

Goddess of Repair – THANK YOU! I owe you COOKIES!

All is now well in Diane’s Computer World. This time. Round One wins for Justice!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Next Post